Special Things.

Ekphrasis.

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 12:26:00 -0400

There it is.

That smile, the little girl with a yellow dress and flowers on her head.

She looks a lot like me, and it brings back memories of m&m pancakes every Sunday, building teepees with bed sheets, and dairy queen after dance class every week…

Now he has her, and she’s young and innocent and can’t call him out on his crap.

His new life started on that day, with his new wife and his new grandchild, never mind if I ever have any.

He inherited a new family, and they take our places slowly. The picture is stuck in the frame like glue, the happy smiles, mine and my sister’s somewhat fake.

On his walls at home, picture after picture after picture of them, all of them, taking up his space, his time, his new life.

And it scares me sometimes, when the person I’ve found who makes me happier than anyone else can, acts like him. I don’t want to end up like my parents.

I don’t want a failed marriage of two opposite people who never even loved each other in the first place.

And while I know I won’t let that happen, part of me is scared that love won’t be enough. Half of marriages end in divorce anyway, what’s to stop another one from ending the same way?

Well, he can go have fun in his big house on Wisteria Lane, with his big pool, and the dog, and the wife, and the grandchildren…

I’ll just be here in the apartment my mom can barely afford, going through life without him.

Words, Words, Words.

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 12:23:06 -0400

When I look out the window and see big blue storm clouds gathering, this feeling passes over me. I can’t explain it, but it makes me feel like anything is possible. You always read books and get pulled into them, but in books nothing ever happens unless it’s a day where nothing should happen. The characters lead such magical lives, and it all starts with “It was a dark and stormy night” or the like. But why is that? Why is it that anything is possible when everything is on the brink of destruction? Dorothy was transported to Oz in a tornado, for Christ’s sake! We humans seem to love the idea that we can create amidst discord, or maybe we love the buzzword that is evil, we’re thrilled by the enticing, seduction of the dark side, the side that controls nothing and everything at the same time. When I have nothing to say, I look to my books, and they give me words. “Once upon a time”, “I was five when I was cursed by the fairy”, and much, much more. You could even say that words themselves are a a tool of the dark side, meant to entice and seduce innocent readers into worlds of adventure, and treasure, and death, and life, and magic, and everything we can’t get in our actual lives. As Hamlet says, “Words, words, words”. Precisely. Words are the fibers of our being, they make up who we are, and they make us yearn for more than we will ever have. But I like to think, on those dark and stormy days, that anything truly is possible, and that I can have all that I want and more, because I dare to dream. And one day, something will happen that will transport me beyond everything I already know, and I will be truly alive.

Arm.

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 20:36:21 -0400

Light brown hairs slightly raised.

Grasping shoulder, squeezing and pulling in tightly.

Gentle squeezes moving up and down length, reaching for hand at bottom.

Hands connecting the two together as both reach up to the sky.

So many colors. Alabaster, ivory, olive, light brown, burnt sienna, black.

So many functions. Can hold, can carry, can bend, can break.

So many freckles. Made even more intense by the sun.

Two held together around me, refusing to let go.

The simplest gesture can feel so good.

Ideal House.

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:12:46 -0400

My ideal house would have to have a library-a special room just for books. And it would have to have a playroom for the dogs, and probably one for the kids…provided they exist. I want to have a big staircase, with a railing that’s perfect for sliding down, but that isn’t too precarious. We also need tyo have a big backyard with a playground, trampoline, pool, or all three. I would love to have a balcony that I can sit on and look out at the world—but most of all, I want a big porch with a swing. A park should be nearby, so the kids and/or dogs can go play. And it can’t be in the middle of nowhere—I need civilization around me. Lastly, it has to be blue, with a basketball hoop. And he has to be with me.

Don't Blink.

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 15:22:42 -0400

**This is a persona poem-a poem in which the author takes on the persona of someone else. I’m intending on revising it, but here is the first edition**

Don’t Blink.

I am what you see, but are afraid to look at.

I am that thing inside you, making you (yes, you, Amy Pond) count down.

To scare you.

I change within an instant, as soon as you look away-or blink.

Blink! Please blink, you know your eyes are watering, it would be so easy to just close them for a second…

BAM! Here I am, holding my arm to your neck. What can you do now?

One blink, and I snap your neck. Or send you into another time stream.

Which will it be? Only I decide.

I feed on your energy…the energy of the life you won’t live.

My image becomes me-so don’t think you are safe.

Or do, that’s makes it more fun for us.

Doctor, you know you can’t beat us. So why do you try?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Sesquipedaedalus

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 23:38:25 -0400

*This is a FLARF poem. Basically, a do-whatever-you-want-with-no-rules poem, often inspired by the internet. Mine was inspired by the internet and music.*

Sesquipedaedalus

Sesquipedaedalus
ses ses ses
quip!
dead.

Coruscate
cora skate

pyrometallurgical
allergic to metal
fire burns and burns
a ring of fire
it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss….

beast beastly beauteous beautiful beauty
Effervesce
effortless vest
you look so cute in that vest!

I just can’t look , it’s killing me…..
lustrous and luscious and lovely and lazy
a lovely lustrous lazy day, packed with plenty of lusciousness
wink wink, nudge nudge.

I want to be…a lumberjack!
This poem is full of nimiety
like a pot full of boiling water, or easy mac with no water put in the microwave
left to burn…confusion is nothing new.

I see out my window…
green, green, black.
lights! (camera, action!) no just people working out.

Piquant
sounds like a pecan. I hate nuts.
or like a pecant (said in a british accent so it sounds all fancy).
the pecan can’t! what is it supposed to do?
the little pecan that could.

Goodnight, Ipad.

SELCOUTH.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself,
I laughed myself to sleep.

This could go on forever
and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever
and evr and evr and evr and evr
nd evr nd evr nd evr nd evr
bfffl!

I can’t be sequacious, it’s against my nature.
My numbers go out of order:
18, 7, 6, 11, 25, 21 (party!),18, 18, 18-is my fAVORITE number.

Microsoft Word Starter doesn’t have any cool fonts.
synecdoche! Is that^ a metaphor for something else?
Let’s dissect it and mash it to a pulp to figure out what I mean!
except maybe I don’t mean anything. Maybe I mean what I say.
maybe I don’t mean what I say. Maybe I say what I don’t mean.
maybe I don’t mean what I don’t say. So many double negatives!

I should stop soon. But I don’t want to.

Stop capitalizing what I don’t want to CAPITALIZE!

I can’t fix my watch-I won’t know what time it is!
I need time. Time is of the essence-must check the time.
Time time time tiem tiem tiem tmie tmie tmie
If you say time enough, it sounds like something else.
So does nose.

I don’t know what to do.
All of these thoughts just spill out of me,
I want to know YOUR PLANS.
and how involved in them I am.

You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead.

Abstractions.

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 23:33:43 -0400

Ignorance.

It’s a simple word, an abstract word.

One that you are all feeling right now, whether you know it or not-

Because that’s the beauty of Ignorance.

And the terribleness of it.

The not knowing what it is that you’re missing, and why something feels wrong.

Confession: I feel so deceptive when I edit a poem because it’s not how it was originally meant to be. I feel like I’m changing my emotions.

Dreams.

He told me about a dream he had……in which he told me I was the inspiration.

That made me blush, secretly, on the other side of the phone.

Some sci-fi dream girl, straight out of Doctor Who, complete with aliens, monsters, and time travel.

He couldn’t remember the rest, of course, and I was ignorant of why he even had that dream in the first place.

Confession: But I can’t deny that it made me feel good to know that I was in his thoughts that much.

Happiness.

There was nothing complicated about it.

She sat on the ledge, a book open in her lap, and leaned her head back to feel the warm sun on her face, literally soaking it up through her skin (which will probably give her skin cancer, but who cares about that?)

She brought herself back the reality, looked around at all the people around her, and felt it.

That thing she couldn’t name-but it was like cold ice cream in a sweltering summer day after running around in the sprinklers….it was like falling asleep with him without even trying to because it just felt so right…..it was seeing little puppies run and tumble all over each other, completely carefree…..

And she said to herself “This is just like a dream”.

Confession: I am that girl.

Love.

The moment when he does something you never expected him to do

For you.

You don’t even remember what it was, just something completely out of the blue-

What? Really? Why?

You question it, and analyze it, and wonder and wonder

Until you realize

Exactly what you are feeling in return. How you would do everything and more just to get him to look at you that way again, to touch you that way again, to hold you in his arms like that again….

Not in a desperate way-in a way that makes you feel complete. A way that just feels right.

And that moment that you feel it, it’s complete and utter happiness.

Confession: I didn’t know I was in love until it hit me in the face.

Sadness.

We’ve all felt it-the body literally breaking down into itself, like you’re doing crunches standing up, your head curled into your abdomen, as if you just want to push it through and stop what you’re feeling.

But you can’t. You literally can’t stop, and it just pours out of you…the tears, the feeling, just comes out of you in a wail that surprises you.

You didn’t think (I didn’t think) you could produce a sound like that.

And afterwards, your head always pounds, as if your body’s saying “Nope, you can’t feel better just yet. I’m going to make you pay for putting me through that”.

It doesn’t matter what the cause is. The only thing that can help you through it is pure, unadulterated love (any kind).

Confession: I’ve felt like this too many times in my life.

Ars Poetica

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 22:34:24 -0500

Ars Poetica

It’s all a cliché.
The way Microsoft word adds an accent to that word amazes me.
That’s the only word it does that with, have you noticed?

Originality is a virtue, not a sin.
But it’s so hard to be original when it’s all been done before.
How would you feel if you knew there was someone who felt the exact same way as you, in a completely similar situation, at some other point in time?
Like they’re in another dimension and you’re here. Or you’re there and they’re here.

You feel robbed. You aren’t allowed to take that from me!
That’s mine! But how do you know if it was yours first?
How does anyone know?
Everything has been done before.

Let’s go back in time.
Follow The Doctor and take a trip in the TARDIS. Maybe then we’ll get some new ideas.

This doesn’t make any sense. I yearn to be like Virginia Woolf in poet form-the tortured artist who procures brilliant work with absolutely no effort.

Yeah, like that’s realistic. It’s so hard to be good at writing-because, as Dean Young says, you have to force yourself through all the bad shit that comes out when you first start.
Some people have a gift and can write amazingly without even trying.
Most people (us ordinary folk) need to sit down and hate ourselves for a few hours before we can do anything.

And then, there are those times…
Those not very frequent times….
When it all just works.
The form, the tone, the rhyme…it just flows, like a river held back by a dam that has just been broken.
(See what I mean?)

And that’s what keeps me writing.
That’s what keeps me from throwing my laptop at the wall in frustration.
Poetry is my favorite.

Familiar Animal.

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:19:05 -0500

When she was little, she drew a doodle,
Showed it to her parents, and said “I want this animal!”
Every night, she made a wish
(even when there was rain)
on the star the thought was the most beautiful
star she had ever seen. Then she wrote a letter.

Fast forward a few years. She still has that letter
But now she draws another doodle
and wishes someone would say she was beautiful.
Sometimes she feels like an animal,
And all she does is walk in the rain,
So no one can tell she is crying and making a wish.

“What’s a wish?”
asks her 3 year-old son now. They’re reading a letter
from his father, delivered in the rain.
They write a response together, her son drawing a doodle
On the bottom that looks look an animal
She remembers from the bedspread he once said was beautiful.

“She’s beautiful”
he whispers, as she cradles the wish
she once made in her arms. The animal
blanket she wears is full of the same one drawn on that letter
that they wrote. She’s but a doodle
in the fabric of life, and they drive home in the rain.

Bad things always seem to happen in the rain.
She remembers her beautiful
child, who is now so much more than a doodle
and who makes a wish
of her own, in the letter she writes to her mother.
At the bottom, she draws a familiar animal.

She feels like an animal
standing outside, soaked by the rain,
reading that first letter sent so many years ago.
It’s beautiful
to her and right now all she wants is that wish
to come back to her and draw her a doodle.

The rain is now but a doodle,
A letter to someone who once made a wish
And called her animal bedspread beautiful.

Words, Words, Words. When I look out the window and see big blue storm clouds gathering, this...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:18:31 -0500

Words, Words, Words.

i am from wherever you want to be.

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:55 -0500

I am from wherever you want to be.

I am from a place that no one knows
                somewhere that only exists between the purest forms of trees.
I am from a place with fairies and wizards,
                witches and werewolves,
                where one step can transport you anywhere.
I am from turquoise trees and pink seas
                that sparkle like sequins in the sun
                and are as cool as droplets of mead.
I am from velvety grass, as soft as a bed of rose petals,
                and bumpy castle walls that lead up to sky-high towers.
                If you listen, you can hear the music.
I am from that music, and it washes over me as I walk through the velvety grass,
                and as I smell the sweet floral mix that assaults my nostrils
                if I get too close to her garden.
I am from the sweet taste of paper
                as a wet finger pinches the bottom
                and moves me along.
I am from a place that no one knows,
                that doesn’t really exist.

But it might if you want it to.

The little things.It’s the little things that really undo me. A kiss on the shoulder, a long look...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:49 -0500

The little things.

It’s the little things that really undo me.
A kiss on the shoulder, a long look with those brown eyes that match mine almost perfectly.
The fact that you always know what to say when I’m upset.
And the fact that you know exactly how to upset me.

How silly you are in the morning, how much you touch me.
That you still want me to sleep over even though it means worse sleep for you.
Your gentle kiss and a “how was your day?” when I come over.
And that you’re not afraid to hurt me.

The little things that make me more in love with you each day.

Like that concentrated face you get when you’re playing WoW.
Your ridiculous falsetto that always makes me smile.
The way you egg me on until I’m ready to punch you.
And the way you make me unafraid.

The fact that my smile makes your day (because yours makes mine too, you know).
And that you help me not to think,
When that’s really all I can do.
I love the way you say my name.

And most of all, I love everything about you.

Because when I’m with you, nothing else matters.

(In)Decision She walks in Beauty, like the night Up the stairs to the door. She stops a few feet...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:44 -0500

(In)Decision

She walks in Beauty, like the night

Up the stairs to the door.

She stops a few feet away and contemplates it.

Anything could happen when she opens that door.

She will no longer be in control, for once in her life.

Suddenly she looks down at her wrist and fingers the heart charm that hangs from the bracelet

He got her.

She never realized exactly what he had meant-how much she meant to him.

Now, she feels hot tears prick at the back of her eyes as she makes her decision.

She walks a few more feet and up the steps, pushing against the already unlocked door.

Before she can even see him, she hears his voice: “Megan! I was afraid you wouldn’t come…”

Without saying a word, she walks up to him, puts her arms around him, and kisses him, hard.

There's nothing like...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:31 -0500

seeing the velvety blue night sky slowly peel back to reveal the light light blue pink and orange baby clouds of sunrise.

The sublime is…..

feeling so tired that your eyes literally cannot stay open, and all you want is to sink into the soft, warm pillows of your cozy bed and feel that cottony smoothness on your skin as you sink your head onto the pillow and close your eyes to drift into a deep slumber….

Yet you look out the window and right at that moment, you see the deep blue-black of the night sky change to the first vestiges of dawn, sneaking up behind the city, ready to completely envelop the day….

and at that one moment, no matter what else is going on, you feel truly alive.

I’ll never tell youI’ll never tell youI miss youWhen you’re not here.I crave your touch.Simple as it...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:24 -0500

I’ll never tell you

I’ll never tell you
I miss you
When you’re not here.
I crave your touch.
Simple as it might be.
I crave the sparkle
In your eyes
When you laugh.

Sleeping
With your arm around me
Is all I want.
The light touch of your fingers
Caressing my neck
And back
Gives me shivers.

I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know if this
Feeling
Is right.
All I know
Is
I want it.

I want us.
And I’ll
Never
Tell you.
Or will I?

QuestionsI’m full of questions tonightBut no answers.That always seems to be the case.I ask and I...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:14 -0500

Questions

I’m full of questions tonight
But no answers.

That always seems to be the case.

I ask and I ask and I ask,
But I never know what, or who, or why, or how.

Here’s a question for you-
Why do we ask questions?
Why do we not just remain ignorant?
Isn’t ignorance bliss?
(at times, it truly is).

Yet ignorance is so unstaisfying.
We’re humans- we have this insatiable desire to KNOW
Because once we know, we can possess.

Possess what, you may ask?
Simple knowledge?
Or perhaps the fact that once we KNOW, we KNOW that we KNOW
And can lord it over others.

Is this cynical?
Possibly so.
But it has a ring of truth you can’t deny.

Not that curiosity is a crime.
Curiosity is what keeps us going-
The curiosity of why we’re here,
What we’re meant to do,
And how it will all end.

But perhaps asking simply to KNOW isn’t what we should strive for.
Knowledge is power- but knowledge that we have knowledge
Is corrupt power.

So strive to know, or know in order to strive?
Which way will you choose?

I think it’s funny how people get soUpsetAbout rain.What do they think will happen?Will they...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:15:06 -0500

I think it’s funny how people get so
Upset
About rain.

What do they think will happen?
Will they melt?
Blow away with the accompanying wind?

They do get wet (oh, the horror!)
They become disgruntled (Even worse!

But in the
Grand
Scheme of things
What
Is to be feared
From a little
Rain?

I believe I’m guilty (of this paranoia)
As well.

But rain
Is a good thing.

It washes away the bad
And cleanses the good.

It’s great for:
Cuddling
Movie watching
Homework-doing
And just BEING.

So I’ve recently been thinking about fear. Well, mainly today, because I realized how much it...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:14:55 -0500

So I’ve recently been thinking about fear. Well, mainly today, because I realized how much it can really affect/paralyze a person.

I don’t want to go into details about what made me think about it, but let’s just put it this way: I have a friend who’s being a complete idiot. He’s still my friend and a great guy, but he’s being an idiot.

And it made me think about fear in general. And how a lot of times I’ve let fear rule my life. It’s why I never took chances on most guys I liked back in high school-because I was afraid. It’s why I wouldn’t go on roller coasters-because I was afraid. It’s why I wouldn’t do a lot of things.

Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of getting hurt (both physically and emotionally). Fear of not being accepted. And so many others.

Fear is why I almost didn’t take on a chance on the one person in my life who means the most to me. I was so afraid that he didn’t like me back, or that I would mess it up because he was my best friend and I didn’t know what to do.

I did take the chance though. One of the real risks I’ve taken in my life. And it completely paid off, because I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and I feel like I finally found someone who can make me completely happy no matter what.

But you know what? I’m still scared. About other things, about everything in my life, about getting my heart broken if anything ever happens. I’ve always been a wimp, and scared about taking risks. But this person has showed me more about taking risks than anyone else. He’s taken risks and had his heart broken and he survived. He’s made me take risks i never imagined, and didn’t want to do, but he made me and I’m so glad I did. He helped me to work THROUGH my fears, and to push against them.

I’ve learned that I need to do more scary things. Someone (I forgot who) said once, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” That’s kind of hard, and I don’t know if he meant that literally, but it’s a good philosophy to live by. I need to be able to be scared, do something that I’m uncertain of, and that might completely fail and leave me where I don’t want to be. Or even things on a smaller scale, something that might embarrass me, or not work out the way I want it to.

I’ve always been a little inflexible. I always like things to go the way I want them to, the way I planned them in my mind (or on paper), and when that changes, I kinda freak out. This is something I need to work on, and I’ve always known that.

It’s hard, though. And it sucks sometimes, to try to work through your fears and your misconceptions and what is comfortable.

It’s a lot easier said than done, but once it’s done, it can be really rewarding, and it can change you, make you different from who/what you used to be.

I’m not saying I’m an expert on this, far from it, because I haven’t been doing this as much as I can. But I’m going to try my hardest to challenge myself, and to keep doing it. I hope anyone reading this (which I don’t think is anyone really lol) is inspired to do that as well, as much as possible.

Listen To Your Heart-Heart or Head?Heart or Head?One logical, reasonableCold.One flighty,...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:14:44 -0500

Listen To Your Heart-Heart or Head?

Heart or Head?
One logical, reasonable
Cold.
One flighty, unreasonable,
Warm.
The way he looks at me
Makes my Heart
Happy.

But not my Head.
My Head is
Confused.

So which to listen to?
Logical or Lovable?
Who can choose?

Heart makes more sense.
But so does Head.
Go with my gut,
Or wait it out?

Honestly, I’m tired of this.

Just do it.
Be brave.
Listen to your goddamn
Heart.

But the risk (oh the risk!)
(Is what makes it worth it in the end)

Pura VidaPura VidaFull of LifeLive life to the FullestFulfill your LifeLove to the FullestFill your...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:12:20 -0500

Pura Vida

Pura Vida
Full of Life
Live life to the Fullest
Fulfill your Life
Love to the Fullest
Fill your Life with Love
Love with all your Heart
Hearts love Fully
Living with Love
Always be
Pura Vida.